Monday, April 11, 2011

Ready for Spring (cleaning)

I'm at the end of a two week push, one of those weeks when something is on the schedule every single evening.  Thank goodness for the rainy day that cancelled Doug's track meet one night, but Hannah promptly reminded us that the introduction to junior high was that evening, and we'd lost the paperwork that was sent, so she and I went out that night, too.

My brain feels mushy today.  I went back to bed this morning when Garion kindly decided to sleep in and Olivia decided she would love to watch High School Musical. I'm oddly satisfied by things like folding the four loads of laundry that are cluttering up the hallway and finding a section of the kitchen counter under all the dishes that have been piling up.  I think I could take another nap, but I don't really need it, so I'm trying to decide what put-off project I should resume for naptime.

It's an amazingly beautiful, sunshiney day.  It makes me want to throw open all the windows and clean everything!  I look around and there is stuff everywhere!  Time for a purge and cleanse!

It's not just in our house that things get put off when we're busy.  I know I put off dealing with stuff inside of me because I don't have time to think about it.  When issues come to mind, I shove them down, not having the energy to even look at them.  I think I'm ready to do some spring cleaning inside me, too.  I want to try to look at myself with clear eyes, to see how I really am and not how I convince myself I am.  No excuses, no defensiveness.  I need a healthy dose of reality and honesty to spur me on to grow.

I also need to start working on my eating habits and exercise routines again, but I know that all these things go hand in hand.  My physical behaviors are connected to my emotional and spiritual condition, which directly affect my home and the people who live there.  Like it or not, I am one of the keystones of my family and my attitude often sets the tone for everyone.

So let's start shoving the junk out, letting the light in, and rejoice in this season of renewal.

Friday, January 28, 2011

3 things

A lot of nights, I look back at my day, and am disgusted with how I spend my day.  I "didn't have time" to exercise or read my Bible or play a game with my kids, but I did win a few computer games and read about all the things other people are doing in their houses.

I want my daily life to reflect what is the most important to me.  I decided there were 3 things I want to have in each day:
1. Some time with God
2. Something active, which has to include my back exercises
3. Intentionally connecting with each person in my family

I am really good at feeling guilty about all the things I should be doing.  All the things I think I should be doing overwhelm me so I don't do anything.  I needed to create an achievable goal.  "Lose weight" is too big and vague.  Same with "keep the house cleaner" or "do a better job with my kids."

This I can do.  If I do these three things, I can be okay with my day.  Hopefully I'll get something clean in the house and make healthy food choices, but that will just be icing on the cake.

mmmm, cake.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Struggling and Blessed

I've been struggling.

Struggling to get out of bed.
Struggling to be productive on consecutive days.
Struggling to eat sensibly.
Struggling to be active.

I've been blessed.

My husband has stepped up as I've been gone more evenings and feeds the kids and puts them to bed.
My oldest daughter is blossoming into a beautiful young woman who (mostly) has her head on straight and takes joy in helping me.
My second daughter is loving basketball and giving us ample opportunities for training.
Number three is joyful and takes pleasure in making herself beautiful.
My five-year-old showers love on everyone and especially admires her two baby girl cousins.
The youngest girl works on making all the most expressive faces and wants to "nuggle" all the time.
My baby boy wraps his arms tightly around my neck and laughs infectiously.

I'm trying to find my way out of a tired, gloomy place.  My circumstances will not change.  I will continue to be busy, actually it's going to get busier.

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." Matthew 5:3 from The Message

I'm trying to figure out how to lean on God.  What does that look like?  How does he help me?  I know he does, I see it after the fact, but how do I purposefully depend on him when I'm tapped out.

Help me, Lord, to choose patience and love and joy and discipline
when I want to yell and ignore and mope and eat.