Sunday, January 23, 2011

Struggling and Blessed

I've been struggling.

Struggling to get out of bed.
Struggling to be productive on consecutive days.
Struggling to eat sensibly.
Struggling to be active.

I've been blessed.

My husband has stepped up as I've been gone more evenings and feeds the kids and puts them to bed.
My oldest daughter is blossoming into a beautiful young woman who (mostly) has her head on straight and takes joy in helping me.
My second daughter is loving basketball and giving us ample opportunities for training.
Number three is joyful and takes pleasure in making herself beautiful.
My five-year-old showers love on everyone and especially admires her two baby girl cousins.
The youngest girl works on making all the most expressive faces and wants to "nuggle" all the time.
My baby boy wraps his arms tightly around my neck and laughs infectiously.

I'm trying to find my way out of a tired, gloomy place.  My circumstances will not change.  I will continue to be busy, actually it's going to get busier.

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." Matthew 5:3 from The Message

I'm trying to figure out how to lean on God.  What does that look like?  How does he help me?  I know he does, I see it after the fact, but how do I purposefully depend on him when I'm tapped out.

Help me, Lord, to choose patience and love and joy and discipline
when I want to yell and ignore and mope and eat.

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